I Want a Mommy for Christmas
by AndiCullen104
Summary: Single father Paul has been trying to make every dream and wish come true for his five year old daughter, Elena. This Christmas her list to Santa may prove to be the hardest thing he could ever give her. Can he, the person who has sworn off love, be able to give his little one what she so desperately needs? He may discovery that this is what he has been missing from his life.
1. Let it Snow

I Want a Mommy for Christmas

Written by AndiCullen104

**A/N- Enjoy!  
**

_Oh the weather outside is frightful  
But the fire is so delightful  
And since we've no place to go  
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!_

_Oh, it doesn't show signs of stopping  
And I've brought some corn for popping  
Since the lights are turned way down low  
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!_

~Let it Snow by Bing Crosby

Chapter One

Paul POV

"Turn it up, Daddy!" Elena kicked the back of my seat impatiently when I didn't give in to her request on her time.

"Lena, what did I tell you about kicking my chair?" I grumbled and begrudgingly turned the radio of the car up.

"Sorry Daddy!" She piped up from her car seat and proceeded to sing _Let_ _it_ _Snow_, missing lyrics, and singing off key. However, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I just wished that she would want to sing along to something else, hell I'll take Disney right now. On my radio which Elena had put on my favorites was the station that plays only Christmas music. Gah! I love that little girl, but could she pick something any more irritating.

Silently I cursed Leah in my head for getting Elena hooked on Christmas tunes.

I'll be having a word with her when I'm phased.

It will be a little difficult to get my point across with her whole status in the pack.

"Fuckin' Alpha Female," I muttered quietly so Lena wouldn't hear.

I don't know how Jacob puts up with Leah.

Every since the Christmas that she lost Harry, she goes all out for the holiday.

She tells us because it was her Dad's favorite time of the year and he would be pissed if she didn't give her best to holiday. Jacob, of course, is all whatever makes you happy, makes me happy... asshole.

I'm not a Scrooge, but damn if that she wolf didn't demand that I put lights on the roof when it was icy. She was laughing so hard that these big fat tears rolled down her cheeks at my show of slipping and sliding.

Damn her.

"Daddy, remember what today is," my daughter broke me out of my thoughts as I pulled into said she wolf's driveway.

"Of course, little one. We're going to write to Santa tonight." I smiled, grateful that she still believed in Santa. I never had that when I was a kid, because my parents were too busy being drunk off their asses to celebrate Christmas. The best gift they could give me was forgetting about me.

"Dad," Lena said as I helped her out of the car.

"Yeah?" I prodded tying her scarf around her to keep her from getting too cold.

"How come it's not snowing?" She asked with a little frown on her face.

"Uh... because the weather man said it's supposed to rain."

"Well how does he know that?" Lena asked as I took her hand in mine and began to walk down the driveway to where Leah stood on the porch.

"Taha Aki told him."

Leah rolled her eyes at my explanation.

"Really?!" Lena's eyes lighted up at that bit of information. "Can I talk to Taha Aki too? That's so cool."

"He only talks to the weather man, honey."

"When I grow up, I'll be a weather man too! That way I can talk to him."

"Weather woman," Leah corrected when we stopped in front of her.

"Yeah." Elena agreed.

"Okay little one, be sure to give Aunt Leah all the trouble you can, okay?" I bent down in front of her.

"But I like Aunt Leah," she said her eyebrows smashing together.

"All the more reason to give her problems." I smirked.

"Unlike your father when he was your age, Lenny, you are no trouble."

Elena giggled.

"Yeah, yeah." I mumbled pressing a kiss to my little girl's forehead.

"Love you," I whispered ruffling her hair as I stood up.

"I love you too, Daddy."

~~~~~IWAMFC~~~~~

_Kim's pregnant, again._ Jared spoke through our mind link a little dismally for someone with what should be good news to him.

_What are you on, number six?_

_This baby will only be number four._

_At the rate your going the rest of us won't need to have kids. You'll be popping out the whole pack for us!_ I gave a wolfy snort.

_Not funny dude, I'm in the dog house right now._

_I bet._ I was met with silence from his end and we continued to patrol before I realized something.

_What were you not expecting her to be pissed?_

_I don't know, but I didn't expect to be sleeping on the couch for this._

_Every time you touch her, she gets pregnant. I'm not surprised you aren't getting any._ I thought which he huffed as he moved along the border of our land.

_She said something similar this morning,_ he paused. _Something about me having 'super sperm'._

I gave a short bark which was the best I could do for a chuckle in this form.

_Haven't you ever used a condom? Weren't you paying attention in health class?_

_Hey, when you're in the heat of the moment, you don't always remember._ He defended.

_I've never not used a condom, since well you know..._ I cut off my thoughts so I wouldn't open Pandora's box.

_It's just when she's withering under me or doing this thing with her-_

_Really, I don't need the visuals._ I interrupted the porn fest that was coming from his mind into mine. By now we were all used to it, but didn't mean we were actively sharing shit.

_Emily is not going to be happy,_ I thought.

_Oh shit, I didn't even think of that. I'll let Kim to be the one to break the news to her._

I thought of how hard our ex-alpha and his wife have been trying to have kids with no results. It was really getting to the point where Emily couldn't stand to be around the pack. Everyone had kids or had one on the way, hell even Leah had twins last year. We didn't know what was going on with Emily, but we all wished she would get pregnant. Not having kids was slowly eating at her to the point where I think she may need mental help.

The rest of our patrols we didn't talk much too lost in our own thoughts.

Before I phased out, I gave Jared some advice.

_Remember, no glove, no love._

_Fuck you, asshole._ He growled.

~~~~~IWAMFC~~~~~

I sat at the kitchen table of my home with Elena as she brought out all her coloring and crafts things. She was very artsy even at the age of five and I knew that she will be awesome at it one day, if her pictures now were of any clue.

"Do you know Santa's address?" She asked glancing up at me from taking out her glitter sticks.

"Yep," I said popping the P.

"Good, I want to make sure he gets it." Lena began to decide what construction paper she wanted to use.

"He will, little one."

"Aunt Leah showed me and the twins a movie today."

"Oh? Which one?"

"It's the one with Rudolph. Dad, do you think he'll be the one to lead the reindeer on Christmas Eve?"

"I'm sure he will, they need someone to light the way. Santa is very old so he needs all the help he can get in seeing." I answered.

"You don't think, Santa's going to die?!" She gasped dropping the papers on the table where some of it fluttered to the floor.

Shit. Foot in mouth.

"Um... no... he'll live on forever?" I said but it sounded more like a question. However, it was enough to reassure Lena.

"Good. You're so smart Daddy. I want to be smart just like you when I grow up, and be a weather man." She giggled happily.

"Sounds good, little one."

We settled into working on the letter together, and I was helping her write what she wanted on the red construction paper. It had dolls, houses for the dolls, a dog, a horsey, and some electronic thing she saw on TV.

"Okay, that looks like a good list." I nodded.

She paused worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.

"What little one, is there something you'd like to add?"

Elena nodded.

"Well? I can't read your mind, Lenny. Give Daddy a clue."

She climbed into my lap, and looked down at the list that we had made and decorated together.

"I want a Mommy for Christmas." Elena said picking up a purple marker.

I spluttered, shocked that was what she had said.

"Huh?"

"I want Santa to give me a Mommy this year." She said slowly as if I were dumb. "I've been a really good girl this year, and this is what I want more than any of the other presents. Will you help me write it Daddy?"

"Sure," I helped her write it down on the list.

Later that night I had let a few tears fall down my face, because this was one thing I couldn't give Lena. I physically couldn't give it to her, and I felt like a failure. I've never wanted to date since the event happened, and I made peace with it just being Lena and me.

This just ripped open old wounds.

I wanted to give my little girl the world if I could, but that was not possible, just like giving her a Mother. It just wasn't meant to be.

I swiped my arm across my face and frowned at the fact that I was crying.

I hated being like a pussy.

Tears were a weakness I didn't fucking need.

"I'm sorry Lena. I just can't give you this."

~~~~~IWAMFC~~~~~

He didn't know this, but the wind picked up outside and three snowflakes fell to the ground.

Beautiful and different each one, but only three fell from the sky.

Someone was listening.

**A/N- I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. I hope you are enjoying the holiday season, and that it's not to stressful. :)**


	2. I'll Be Home for Christmas

I Want a Mommy for Christmas

Written by AndiCullen104

**A/N- Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I was so nervous for your reaction to Paul as a daddy, and I loved that you guys liked him. Thank you again, you all rock!**

_I'll be home for Christmas  
You can count on me  
Please have snow and mistletoe  
And presents under the tree_

_I'll Be Home for Christmas by Rascal Flatts_

Seth POV

"You excited that Bella's coming home for Christmas?" I asked Mom as I scooped up a bit of chocolate chip cookie dough when she wasn't looking.

"I'm excited for Charlie. It's all he's been talking about." She said turning back to putting blobs of cookie dough onto the pan.

"Well what about you?"

"I'm nervous," her brow furrowed. "I haven't seen her since she was a little girl so I don't know if she'll like me."

"She'll like you Ma, because I'm your son, and I'm awesome, which makes you awesome." I smiled. It made sense, did it not?

"Thanks hon," she chuckled.

"It's also that she's never come home and so I can't help but be upset with her. I'm going to try to be really nice to her, but I can't deny that I'm mad at her for doing that to her father. I can't even begin to imagine not seeing my babies for years." She sighed.

"I'm sure Bella had her reasons."

"There is no reason to neglect your parent, you remember that Seth, especially when I'm old, okay?" She said sternly.

"Yes ma'am." I saluted her.

"Her mother was a real piece of work and I don't doubt that she was part of the reason Bella never came to visit her father." She muttered as she put the pan into the oven.

An hour later I heard the soft purr of Charlie's police car turning onto our street.

"That's her," I said to my Mom who didn't have the advantage of super hearing. She smoothed down her clothes and walked out with me to stand on the porch.

I saw a short little slip of a woman step out of the car with a huge smile on her face. Her brown eyes, which were the exact replica of Charlie's, were shining with her happiness. Long mahogany hair flowed down her back and the palest skin complexion I'd ever seen. Not including the bloodsuckers we had taken down over the years.

Bella looked so much like Charlie, it was crazy.

I had seen a ton of pictures of Bella growing up, and not one of those images had ever painted her this happy. When I saw them, I could just tell that she was faking her smiles. It was good to see a real one from the start.

"Hey Bella, I'm Seth. You're handsome little step-brother." I winked at her and she giggled.

I think we'll get along just fine.

Bella POV

The freakishly tall man took my hand into his giant paw and pulled me into his arms for a hug that was so tight I couldn't breathe.

To think, I was worried that I wouldn't be accepted, well it was no need as Seth made me feel right at home. Now if I could just breathe…

"Seth, let her breathe." A woman scolded him.

"Only if I have too," He let me go and I gratefully took in a lung full of air. My cheeks were flushed from the attention they were all giving me. Charlie looked like he had tears in his eyes, but I quickly looked away to give him a moment to get himself together.

"Hi, I'm Sue." The woman next to Seth spoke. I recognized her from the photos Charlie had sent over the years.

"It's nice to meet you, sorry it hadn't been sooner." I said reaching my hand out to shake hers, but she opened her arms and I gave her a hug.

_Man these people are touch and feely,_ I thought as they led me inside.

We chatted about my life in Phoenix and what I had missed in their lives. I was surprised that Seth followed in my Dad's footsteps and became a cop. I looked over at his muscles and knew that he probably frightened people to abide the law. Sue worked as a nurse and her daughter Leah had given birth to twins last year.

When I was sharing my life it was pretty short, since I was married to my job. I had no boyfriends, friends, children, or anything that would say I had a life. All I had was my job as an editor at Tanner's Publishing. Sadly, nothing special there, I sighed.

"Bella, we're all getting together at Billy's for a little gathering before Christmas, would you like to come with us?" Sue asked after we had all caught up with one another.

I didn't want to go. I was never one for parties.

However, one look at Charlie's hopeful gaze had me saying yes.

"Great! Everyone's going to be so happy to meet you."

~~~~~IWAMFC~~~~~

Paul POV

"How do I look Daddy?" Lenny asked as she stepped into the kitchen where I was getting the food I was bringing over to Billy's.

I turned around and saw she had on a black velvet dress with a fluffy cream colored skirt and a dark green bow tied at her waist. On her little feet were black dress shoes, and the best part was there was this big toothy smile on her face. She looked like a tiny Christmas angel and I sometimes wondered where she got all the goodness from.

I never knew how I managed to raise such an amazing kid. Now that I think of it, I don't think it was me. She was perfect all on her own.

"You look beautiful Lena." I said as I playfully tugged at one of her ponytails.

She giggled happily.

"Now you need to get dressed." Lenny pointed to my room.

"I'm going as is, kid." I said.

"I have a good feeling about today, Daddy. So please look decent." She tapped her foot impatiently.

"Somehow I have a feeling you're taking a page out of Leah's book." I frowned making a reminder in my head to talk to Leah about not teaching my kid things like 'please look decent'.

"I don't take pages out of books, that's bad Daddy." She scrunched her face up in displeasure.

"I don't mean- never mind."

I looked down at myself and noticed the holes and paint on jeans so I conceded to go change. After rifling through my drawers I found a nice white button down and an undamaged pair of jeans. I rolled up the sleeves to my elbows and declared myself ready.

"Daddy, you look so nice." Elena smiled as she brushed her doll's hair on the sofa.

"Thank you, but I think the others wouldn't have minded my other outfit." I teased.

"I think something's going to happen. Taha Aki told me."

"I told you he only talks to the weather man." I laughed pulling on my coat.

"Maybe he knows that I'm going to be a weather man too," she said as I helped her into her thick winter jacket.

"Sure, sure kid." I said as I made sure she was all bundled up.

"Let's hit the road, Jack!" She crowed throwing her tiny fist in the air.

"You've definitely been hanging out with Leah too much." I muttered.

Maybe it was time for a new babysitter, Kim seems more normal.

Once we were at Billy's, Lenny pulled her hand away from mine and ran over to Embry's daughter Terri. They were two peas in a pod those two. I've got to remember to offer a sleepover at my house again, it made Elena so happy the last time. I was like Jacob that way. Whatever makes Lena happy makes me happy. Even if I have to tell them to go to sleep a hundred times before they actually do. It was worth to see Lenny having fun.

"Hey bro," Jared said slapping me on the back.

"Hey, where's your wife?" I asked looking around at everyone who was here so far.

"She's in the kitchen helping Sue, since Em isn't here."

"I take it, she found out?" I asked glancing at him to see a frown etched on his face.

"Yeah, I think they're visiting her family in Neah Bay." He said quietly.

"Oh," I couldn't think of a more appropriate answer to that bit of information.

"Charlie's daughter is around here somewhere." He said after the silence had stretched on too long.

"I didn't know he had a daughter," I was surprised because I really didn't think the Chief had a kid.

"Yeah I didn't know either."

"Is she hot?" I asked which made Jared roll his eyes.

"Dude, I don't look at girls that are not Kim."

"Come on, don't feed me that bullshit. You have eyes, is she hot or not?" I asked thinking it might be a good idea to get laid. It's been a while since little Paul had attention that wasn't my hand.

"Okay fine. She may be easy on the eyes." He muttered quietly as if Kim were about to pop out of nowhere.

"Cool," I said.

"Who are you?" My head snapped to the direction where I heard Elena's voice.

"I'm Bella, Charlie's daughter." A woman answered.

Holy shit, Jared was so wrong about this woman. She wasn't just easy on the eyes, she was absolutely fucking hot. Those legs that was in those tight jeans that clung to her like a second skin and the red cashmere V neck sweater that showed just enough cleavage without looking like slut. Not that I wouldn't mind that either.

What got me really going was the enticing scent of berries and cream that was all her. I greedily took in gulps of that sweet scent.

"You're pretty, Bella." Elena said breaking me out of my thoughts. "Will you play with us?"

Terri looked shyly between Lenny and Bella, but it was as if she sensed that Bella was one of us, because she begged her to play with them too.

"Sure."

They squealed excitedly.

Bella looked up as if she could feel my gaze on her.

The moment our eyes met, the world shifted.

Thick bands connected us together and there was a shimmering light around her.

She was the only woman I would ever see.

This feeling was so familiar and it wasn't till she looked away did I realize what the hell just happened.

"Paul, man did you just?" Jared waved his hand in Bella's direction.

I snapped out of the daze I was in and I couldn't even answer him, I bolted out the front door as if the devil was chasing me. My whole body seemed aflame, and it was convulsing with the rage that was building inside of me. I ran into the woods and phased mid stride.

_This can't be happening,_ I thought.

_Please, make it go away!_ I shouted in my head as I ran through the woods, all the while feeling more horrible with every step I took away from my imprint.

_This cannot be happening… again._

**A/N- So what do you think? Reviews makes my muse happy...**


	3. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

I Want a Mommy for Christmas

Written by AndiCullen104

**A/N- Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed so far! I'm sorry for not responding to last chapter's reviews, but please know I read and loved each one. I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
**

_(Christmas)  
The snow's coming down  
(Christmas)  
I'm watching it fall  
(Christmas)  
Lots of people around  
(Christmas)  
Baby please come home_

_Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) by Michael Buble_

General POV

Lena's dark brown eyes followed her Daddy who was bolting for the door, and when she could no longer see him, her bottom lip trembled. Tears began to fill her vision and her heart was beating so fast. She didn't know what had happened and all she wanted was her Daddy's big warm arms to wrap around her and comfort her. She looked around the room to where everyone was either staring at the door with their mouths hanging open or looking at Bella as if she were a cool insect Uncle Jared's son had found. He was three and was always finding the coolest bugs in the summer, but even that memory couldn't stop the water works.

"Lenny, come here girl." Aunt Leah said pulling Elena into her arms.

Leah started to rock the crying girl and when she met Kim's eyes she jerked her head at Bella's direction.

"Uh Bella, I could really use some help in the kitchen," Kim said snapping Bella out of her thoughts.

The newest imprint shuffled over to the kitchen as she took in all the people who were slowly getting back into the party mood. She wished that she could stay in the living room and just find out what the hell that guy's problem was, because she hadn't done anything wrong.

"I want my Daddy!" Lena's cry was the last thing she heard before Kim put the music on in the kitchen, effectively getting rid of any hope Bella had of eavesdropping on the others.

"What just happened?" Bella asked Kim quietly as she helped prepare the food.

"Um... I'm not sure... can you pull the ham out of the oven?" Kim asked trying to dodge the questions, but she didn't know that this new imprint was not one to be distracted.

"I mean I look at him and then he runs. That's really weird!" She exclaimed.

"He has had problems," Kim paused wishing that someone else could be here to give her a clue as to what to say to Bella. "I mean he's a great father, but oh hell, I shouldn't be the one to explain everything to you." She decided to push this off on someone else and she knew the pack would hear what she had just said.

"This place is really weird," Bella mumbled not loud enough for Kim to here, but she didn't know that in the other room Jared chuckled telling Embry that he liked Paul's imprint already.

She knew that there was something more going on here, and she was determined to find out what they were all hiding. Bella refused to think of the time when she had to use her investigative skills on another strange family.

_In the other room..._

"Shh honey," Leah sat down on the sofa as she cuddled Lenny closer to her.

"What the hell was that?!" Brady said only to receive frowns from several people that didn't want their children picking up on his bad language.

"Oooh Brady said a bad word!" Tommy who was Jared's oldest son poked Brady in the leg. "Mama will wash your mouth out with soap." He frowned up at the towering giant of a man.

"I ain't scared of your Mama," Brady said rolling his eyes and patting Tommy on the head.

Tommy laughed and wrapped his arms and legs around the young man's leg and sat there like a monkey. Brady began to try to walk and all the other kids wanted to try that so he purposefully distracted them so the adults could talk.

"I didn't know that someone could imprint twice," Jared said when Jacob approached him and Embry.

"Neither did I," the alpha frowned.

"He didn't seem happy about it," Embry whispered his eyes watching Terri trying to get Brady's attention from the other kids.

"No shit!" Jared rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. "You remember the first one?" His eyes cut to where Lenny was whimpering into Leah's neck.

Jacob shook his head not wanting to remember that time.

"I need someone to go and see where he is. I don't want him running to Canada." The alpha said looking between the two.

"I'll go," Seth said as he stopped trying to get Lenny to smile when she clearly was too upset to laugh at his antics. He had overheard the conversation between them, and wanted to help.

"Okay sounds good." Jacob moved towards the kitchen to see if they needed any more help.

Paul POV

_This cannot be happening... again._

My paws thudded against the ground as I ran through the thick forest.

There was no set place I was heading just somewhere away from Billy's house.

I hoped that I could outrun my problems with distance.

Not only did my heart hurt from the separation from my imprint, but from the terrible memories that were on repeat in my head. It felt like it was happening all over again, and I couldn't escape the pain. A howl tore through my throat as I tried to release all my anguish in that sound, but it didn't lessen the ache in my heart.

_Please make it go away!_

_I don't want this!_

A whimper escaped me as the past continued to flash in my mind.

_Paul?_

_Why did this happen to me again?_ I asked not bothering to greet Seth who had just phased in.

_I honestly don't know. I don't think this has ever happened before._

_Yeah and of course it's fucking me who does the impossible!_ I snarled.

_It might be a good thing._ He mumbled as he began to run towards me.

_How the hell is this a good thing?_

_Maybe-_

_Shut up! I don't want to hear it, man._ I interrupted.

_Come on, you get a second chance!_

_I don't want another fucking chance!_ I skidded to a stop.

It hurt it all just hurt.

I couldn't do this.

Not again.

_It's okay, Paul. We'll figure this out._

_Why do the wolf gods hate me?_ I asked looking up at the night sky.

I tried to tune out Seth's thoughts because all he could see was the bright side to my imprinting again. What he didn't understand was there was no bright side, this was yet another way Taha Aki screwed with my life.

_How 'bout we run for a while, maybe that will help calm you down._ Seth suggested softly after a moment.

_Yeah,_ I agreed.

**A/N- Thanks for reading! Reviews makes my muse happy!  
**

**Merry Christmas! :)**


	4. Where Are You Christmas

I Want a Mommy for Christmas

Written by AndiCullen104

_Where are you Christmas  
Why can't I find you  
Why have you gone away  
Where is the laughter  
You used to bring me  
Why can't I hear music play_

_My world is changing_  
_I'm rearranging_  
_Does that mean Christmas changes too_

_Where are You Christmas By Faith Hill_

Christopher POV

I glared out the window of the passenger seat as _he_ drove the car to some shit town where he was finally going to be rid of me.

Only three more years till I'm eighteen and then I get to fucking decide where I go.

Fuck him!

I don't need my 'father'.

He told me I had a brother that I was going to be living with, Sam Uley. I didn't know why it took him so long to finally kick me out of the house, especially with the old hag dying on me. I know it's ill to speak of my 'mother' like that, and I know she did the best she could, but goddamn I would be better on my own than with them.

She died three months ago, and Josh was washing his hands of me.

Drunk bastard.

I wasn't even sure if this Sam knew he was going to have me on his doorstep, knowing Daddy Dearest, he probably will be in for a surprise. He didn't tell me how old my new caretaker would be, because I'm pretty sure Josh forgot his firstborn's birthday. I knew he was at least an adult, because you can't give a kid to a kid, right?

Why the fuck do I care?

I'm surprised we haven't been pulled over, maybe there was a special a Dunkin Donuts? I mean it would take an idiot to not see how drunk my Dad was right now. I saw him turn up the radio of the old ass music he listened too, so I turned up the volume of my piece of shit portable CD player. That's right it was a birthday present from the old hag when she found it in her father's things. I could only be glad that it wasn't a tape player that would be really fucking low. I could never listen to music at school because I was too embarrassed having something that was invented in the dinosaur age.

I closed my eyes wishing I could fall asleep, but I didn't trust Josh enough to be so vulnerable. It was the ass crack of dawn and it was too damn early to be in the car going God knows where.

_I was going to miss Seattle._

_There wasn't anything I could do once Josh made up his mind,_ I reminded myself. I was just surprised it took him so long. I wasn't under the impression that he loved me, so I knew it was only a matter of time before he felt the need to dispose of the thing that tied him down for fifteen years.

"He lives here?" I asked as Josh pulled into a gravel driveway of a small house.

"Shut up, and let me do the talking." He said instead of answering me.

I huffed.

A tall buff man stepped out onto the porch and on his face was a murderous glare that was aimed right at my douche bag father. I guess this was Sam. They were speaking to each other and I could see this Sam guy waving his arms about in his anger.

I took off my head phones and shoved them into my bag.

_Time to face the music,_ I thought as I stepped out of the car.

~~~~~IWAMFC~~~~~

Paul POV

My eyes blinked open to the light coming in through the window of my room that I yet again forgot to shut the curtains. Damn I gotta remember to do that. When my mind cleared of sleep, I registered that their were little toes tickling my side. I glanced over to the side to see the sleeping form of Elena, and a smile crept on my face at the sight of my angel.

I reached out carefully and slowly pulled Elena into my side so I could cuddle with her. She sighed once she was secured in my arms, but didn't wake up. I held her close just listening to her breathing and heartbeat which was music to my ears. It was what had kept me going through the most difficult time of my life.

Elena, Leah, and Jacob, were what saved me from staying in the pit of despair. If I didn't have them, and with my imprint gone, I think I would have killed myself. I thought about it, but when I did I forced myself to go into the nursery and watch my baby sleep. She kept me fighting when I was ready to give it all up.

Jacob had reminded me that I was a survivor.

He told me to remember my childhood and think that if I could survive that I could survive anything. I was so deep in my anguish that I needed to remember the shit my father did to me so I could find the will to be the father I had always wanted. The one that loved, cared, and put his child before anything else. I vowed to never be the person he was.

It took me a long time to live up to that vow, because I was like my father before Elena.

Well not as bad as he was, but still bad enough that people gossiped about me just like him. I was constantly getting into fights, drinking alcohol, trying drugs, and fucking any girl who put out.

However, with Elena, I grew up into the man I always wanted to be.

Leah was the best friend I could ever ask for. We have a very strange relationship, but she helped me when I felt like I would drift away into the darkness.

Imprinting broke me, and I don't think I could do this again.

_I have to stay away from Bella,_ I decided as I closed my eyes to let sleep take me away again.

~~~~~IWAMFC~~~~~

"Daddy, why don't you like Bella?" Lenny asked as she sat at the table watching me make sandwiches for lunch.

"I never said I didn't like Bella," I said spreading mayonnaise on a slice of white bread.

"You like her?!" The excitement was clear in her voice.

I frowned.

"I haven't really spoken to her... why all the questions Lenny?"

I did not want to be talking about Bella to Elena.

Hell I didn't want to be talking or thinking about Bella, period.

Which was really hard to do when my mind kept wandering to those chocolate brown eyes that held mine for just a moment.

_Stop,_ I told myself slapping a piece of ham on the bread trying to bring myself back to this moment.

"I like her," she said softly.

Before I could respond someone opened the front door and came stomping into the kitchen.

"Dude, you'll never guessed what happened!" Seth crowed. "Oh hey, make me a few of those."

"What happened? And make your own." I grumbled hating that I didn't keep my door locked.

Seth glanced over to Lenny's listening ears before dropping his voice to tell me what he just had to interrupt our lunch.

"Sam has a little brother," he whispered.

"I know, Embry, old news bro."

"No another one," Seth gossiped.

"Why don't you tell me what you know," I suggested as I set a sandwich down in front of Lenny who was bored with our conversation and turned on the small TV I kept in the kitchen.

Seth began to tell me all about Sam's little surprise this morning.

I guess I wasn't the only one to be shitted on by Taha Aki.

**A/N- So what did you think? Reviews are like chocolate to my muse. ;)  
**


	5. Do You Hear What I Hear

I Want a Mommy for Christmas

Written by AndiCullen104

**A/N- Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this story. I'm so happy you are enjoying it! :)**

_Do you see what I see  
Way up in the sky little lamb  
Do you see what I see  
A star, a star  
Dancing in the night _

_Do You Hear What I Hear by Carrie Underwood _

Paul POV

"Lenny! Wait up!" I shouted as I pulled out her gloves and scarf from where she left them on the floor of the car.

"Slow poke!" She giggled as she continued running and twirling about on First Beach.

"Slow poke? Really?" I muttered under my breath as I locked up the car. "I'll give you a slow poke!"

I chased after her which made her laugh as she pumped her little legs to outrun me. I let her think she was winning because I easily could have scooped her up by now.

"You can't catch me Daddy!" She called out, taunting me.

Oh no, I was not going to let a little five year old best me. I dropped the losing act and quickly caught up to her and pulled her up into my arms. Lena squeaked out of surprise and then we both burst out laughing as I plopped down on the ground with her on my lap.

"I still won," she said simply after we got over our laughing fit.

"Sure you did," I rolled my eyes.

"Yep, because you couldn't catch me for like five _whole_ minutes!" A bright smile appeared on her face as she announced her victory.

"Sure, sure."

We sat there in silence for a while just over looking the beach that was pretty much empty due to the weather. I only brought her here because she begged to go play and plus I figured with my supernatural heat she'd be fine.

I closed my eyes just enjoying the time with my daughter.

The pack all had a special connection with our young ones, but more so me. It was like after _it_ happened my wolf instincts went into haywire to make sure Elena was alright. It was intense for a while after her birth and the only one I let get close to her was Leah and sometimes Jacob.

"Daddy," Lena whispered as if she didn't want to break the quiet of the moment.

"Yeah baby?" I asked tightening my arms around her to ward off the chill of the afternoon.

"Why are you so sad?"

"I'm not sad Lena." I said pressing a kiss to the back of her head.

"Yes you are, mister!" She poked my leg as if to reprimand me for lying.

It was silent for a moment as I wished she wasn't so observant. I couldn't tell her anything about Bella and I wouldn't want to if I could. She was a kid and this was adult problems. Lena has lost so much in life that I would never want to add my issues to her. When I found out I was going to be a father, I knew from that moment that I would make my child as happy as it was humanly possible, more so because I'm a shifter.

"Dad, how come you don't talk about her?" Lena asked calmly as she began playing with my fingers.

I stilled for a couple seconds not knowing exactly what to say to that. I always knew she would ask questions about her Mom. She saw other kids with two parents and she was bound to be curious to why she only had one.

"It makes me sad to think about your Mom." I swallowed the lump in my throat. The pain I felt didn't hurt as much as it normally would because I was in close proximity to Elena and the imprint with Bella. I didn't know whether to be upset that Bella has already taken something from me or to be happy that I didn't feel the ache of the loss of Rachel. I certainly felt another pain concerning Bella since it had been a few days since I've last seen her, but I could deal with it because I've dealt with much worse before.

"Why?" She asked in her childlike innocence.

I paused trying to think over what I was going to say.

"Because I really loved your Mom and when she was gone it hurt Daddy real bad."

She continued to turn my hand this way and that as if this conversation wasn't bothering her but I could hear her sniffles. I knew she had to get this out but it was hard knowing that she was just as upset as I was.

"I love you, Daddy. Let's go play now," Lena said after a few moments of silence. She put as much enthusiasm as she could muster into her sentence and I knew my job was to cheer her up right now. I could wallow in my pain later.

That night I laid in my bed listening to the rain pitter patter against the roof and I closed my eyes letting all that I kept bottled up out. My body shook but not because I was about to phase but with the emotions that brewed within me. Whenever I talked about Rachel it usually ended up with me in bed trying to get the feelings out without the tears.

I never wanted to cry again.

After Lena's birth, all I did was cry. It felt like it was never ending and that was my fear that I wouldn't be able to stop.

_Flashback..._

"_He's not letting anyone in there," Jared said to someone who was in the living room. I could hear his frustrated sigh but I couldn't for the life of me let him get close to me._

"_Damn, I can't believe this happened." Seth mumbled. _

_I put my hands over my ears as I continued my rocking motion on the floor in front of the crib. Elena was fast asleep not even picking up on my restless movements or emotions. _

_For the first time since I turned into a wolf, I felt cold. _

_The chattering of my teeth made me uneasy and I continued to frantically rock back and forth with my arms wrapped around my knees. _

_It hurt so fucking bad._

_Every part of my body was screaming in agony but the worst of it was in my heart._

_It felt like there was a black sludge slowly over taking my heart as it killed it slowly._

_It felt like it was squeezing it and that eventually my heart would be swallowed by the blackness and I would be dead._

_I wanted that to happen._

_I wished for it to stop beating so the pain would stop enveloping my entire form._

_How long does it take for a heart to die from the darkness?_

_I didn't know but I hoped it would be soon._

_Silent tears ran down my cheeks as shivers wracked my body. I was freezing and I seemed to be getting colder by the second._

_Please make it stop! I give up._

_The conversations in the other room continued to go on but I was so lost in my rocking and agony to give a damn about how worried they were about me._

_The door opened and I breathed in ready to growl at the person who dare walk into this fucking room right now._

"_Shut up, grumpy. Or do you want to wake Elena?" Leah's voice asked below the range of human hearing in order to not wake the baby._

_She didn't seem to be threatening so I didn't move to attack. _

_Actually she smelled good, like really good. It settled me and I felt a little of the pain slip away. She got down on her knees and bared her neck to me in a sign of submission. I felt a little more of the ache go away at the action and I nodded for her to come closer._

_She slowly crawled her way closer to me all the while keeping her eyes lowered to the ground. When she was finally in reach of me she put her hand out as if to touch my shoulder. I closed my eyes and stopped rocking the moment her hand touched me. I felt her warmth seep into me making the cold lessen. When I didn't make an offensive move she moved so that her arms wound around me holding me close to her. Sobs wracked my body and she softly purred for me calming me as if I were a child._

"_It's okay, grumpy, we'll get through this." She whispered in my ear while she tightened her arms around me._

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